Turn down your speakers volume, because there is an annoying sound in this video:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SqBdS0XkV4

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Things Thare Difficult To Say When You’re Drunk

• Cinnamon
• Indubitably
• Innovative
• Preliminary
• Proliferation

Things That Are VERY Difficult To Say When You’re Drunk

• British Constitution
• Loquacious Transubstantiate
• Passive-aggressive disorder
• Specificity

Thingts That Are Downright IMPOSSIBLE To Say When You’re Drunk

• Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex.
• Nope, no more alcohol for me.
• Sorry, but you’re not really my type.
• Good evening officer, isn’t it lovely out tonight?
• Oh, just couldn’t. No one wants to hewar me sing.
• You’re right, I can’t jump over that table!

Picture by ChernobylBob

JESS3 / The State of The Internet from JESS3 on Vimeo.

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2. Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the football before helping around the house.

3. Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

4. A Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer quickly to No 9 for the meaning of nothing.)

5. That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That’s okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

6. Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’, which is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’ – that will bring on No. 7).

7. Whatever: Is a woman’s way of saying, “F– YOU!”

8. Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to No. 4.

9. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in “Fine”.

Send this link to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology.

Send this link to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, because we know it’s true!

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1. I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit.
2. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don’t give a fuck.
3. How about “never”? Is “never” good for you?
4. It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying.
5. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
6. Ahhh, I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again.
7. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
8. I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
9. The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.
10. Someday, we’ll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
11. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
12. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce.
13. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
14. I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
15. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?
16. I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant.
17. Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.v
18. It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off.
19. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
20. No, my powers can only be used for good.
21. I’m really easy to get along with once people learn to worship me.
22. You sound reasonable……time to up my medication.
23. I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being smarter.
24. I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
25. I don’t work here. I’m a consultant.
26. Who me? I just wander from room to room.
27. My toys! My toys! I can’t do this job without my toys!

And now Useful Expressions for those High Stressdays

1. Well, aren’t we just a ray of fucking sunshine?
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. Do I look like a fucking people person?
4. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
6. You! Off my planet!!
7. Practice random acts of intelligence & senseless acts of self-control.
8. I like cats too. Let’s exchange recipes.
9. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
10. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be…?
11. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
12. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego ?
13. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
14. I’m not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
15. When I want your opinion, I’ll give it to you.
16. Earth is full, Go home.

(via) Picture CC by BrittneyBush